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6/27/25 @ 12:33am: [FIRST ENTRY]

working on a carrd is a lot more fun than i expected! Time consuming tho, but it was enjoyable! I was following a Youtube tutorial to get the ideal theme i wanted! Check out @lvjnsl on YT! Can't wait to work on it more and update it as time passes! I'm such a hermit on social media, but I miss uploading with no care in the world... People are so judgmental these days... The depression do be hitting hard lately not gonna liee (◞‸ ◟)💧 I miss having friends I can comfortably talk to, but I understand I'm not doing my part entirely... but is it really my fault if no one wants to talk to me?
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11/2/26 @ 7:08pm:WOAH! NEW BLOG POST! After 6 Months of being silent... SORRY :< So much has happened, but also not much has? It's... complicated.. Life's been so blurry lately it's hard to recall events that have been happening since my last post... but that's okay! I'm a yapper! xD I'm sure as I type, I'll figure out what to blog! 💜 Sorry for the time jumps back and forth I'll do LOL xDFirst off, a lil update! Umm.... I TURNED 26!! HOLY MOLY! How is that even possible?! I feel like.. Mentally, I'm 21-24? I feel so disconnected with my actual age it's very bizarre... I had plans to go to a Halloween party, but things just didn't go as planned whatsoever... almost like the universe didn't want us to go... It was frustrating, but my bf and I ultimately decided to stay home despite the multiple attempts to go. We couldn't risk it. Besides, he had work the next day so the drive just wasn't worth it. One of the more depressing birthdays, but that's okay. I rather be safe than risk it and make it worse. But regardless...I HOPE EVERYONE HAD A GOOD HALLOWEEN! 🎃👻 Sadly, it was really raining that day, but I hope everyone turned up! And if not, I hope y'all had a cozy night! 🍂Oooh! How can I forget?! I'm a Twitch Affiliate now!! 🌟 I got it on June 8th, I believe. I was grinding a bit on the month of May because I already did the other requirements, but missing one. So, despite being nervous, I tried getting the last requirement. And honestly, even if I was faithful, I was worried I wasn't gonna get it. BUT EVENTUALLY, I GOT THE NOTIFICATION!! It was so exciting to see that! I am so blessed that I was able to become an affiliate!
        I'll be honest though, It took be a bit to figure out stuff in the background, but eventually, I just did it and boom! The settings for it are overwhelming though! But, it's been fun making my own emotes and seeing them being used! ALSO, I managed to get a few subs and recently got bits too! I still gotta think of other emotes to make though 👀 It's tough, but I believe everything will be okay ✨Oh! I went to AX 2026 on the first day! I'd rate it a 6.5/10. The normies have made it worse. But aside from that, we didnt sleep well AT ALL. There was some issues that my bf had to go back to the house at like... 4AM!! and we were gonna leave to the convention at like... 8am or 9? I don't recall the exact time we left. We were mentally draaaained! Also some booths I was looking forward to weren't there at all... also any booths we were curious to look at, either took a while to enter or decided to not enter at all cuz of how many people were in lines... SO ANNOYING!
        However, I FINALLY WENT TO THE FASHION SHOW AFTER ALL THESE YEARS!! I was more excited because a fashion brand I followed earlier this year was gonna showcase their stuff so I was DETERMINED to go!!
        Artist Alley was... eugh. Hard to really view anything and too crowded. Anyway, I won't get into every lil detail about it. This entry gonna be way longer if I get into it LOLI have been considering doing a lil chill, casual vlog about it! But now I'm hesitant cuz 1. I've never made a vlog style vid. 2. I don't have a bunch of content... and 3. I'm anxious on being perceived 😭 OH! and also... well its been MONTHS LOL now it feels way too late to edit a vlog about it. But I think I'll do it for the sake of editing, but keep it private idk xD I'll still think about it! (I need to clear my storage anyway...)Moving on.. OH I went to the beach 🏖 _{(YO WTF IS THAT EMOJI ON PC?!)} in the middle of July! I haven't gone with my bf and he's been wanting to take me for the longest time. I'm not really a beach person, but why turn down a beach trip? :3 It kinda felt.. intimate? I even recorded some vids to do a mini vlog on it! I've debating on adding it at the end of the AX vlog orrr make a mini separate video, but of course probably not upload it to respect my bf's privacy. Or I can ask how he feels about it.This is a bit personal, but I won't get into the details right now cuz it's ALOT. I'll just say the past few months since late July, but mainly August have been pretty fucked. We both lost a total off 3 dogs within a span of a month.. my perrita, Nicole passed 2 days before my mom's birthday. Another was Papiringo; first one to pass. Sadly I don't recall what day, but it was in July. and then 2 days after my Nicolita passed away, my bf's dog Abby also passed. Since then, life's felt like its going pretty downhill and we can't catch a break...
        Internally, I've been so much in my head (yes the usual, but more depressed I suppose lol) and reevaluating different aspects of my life. I'm still trying to be okay despite all the negativities. It's like a huge knotted ball of yarn and I'm slowly trying to detangle. Slowly making progress and thinking how to approach the future.I've even been debating on something for WEEKS, but I'm so scared to do it. It's like I have multiple mindsets on how to approach a certain situation..."I have to wait for them to reach out!"
                          "What if they are waiting on you?"
              "They abandoned us!"
"What if that's how THEY feel?"
          "Aren't they curious? If they wanted to, they can and should text!"
    "And if they are as anxious to reach out? Like you?"
                   "What if they are so mad, they want nothing to do with me?"
"What's the worst that can happen? The Earth won't explode..."     "What if I only want to reach out for closure? Am I actually ready to talk to them? Are they?""Should I bite the bullet and reach out? You never know when something might happen and you'll regret not reaching out..."Sorry for the mini vent! ( ఠ ͟ʖ ఠ) That's basically where my brain has been... I'm not sure how to close this entry... Despite all the pain, confusing, feeling directionless. I'll still work to better myself and my future! I feel hopeful, even with so much loss. I'll try posting another entry before the end of the year!Until next time! 😎